Pick on someone your own size!
- You heard the captain. - Get lost!
There's no room for passengers on this boat.
Let go, you sticky little...
I'm the captain, and I say go left.
Would that be port or starboard, Spike?
There they are!
Go get them, lads!
Rita!
Wait for it, wait for it... Now!
Have another go if you think you're fast enough!
Hold on, Roddy!
Get that cable, lads!
You may now kiss the bride.
Congratulations, by the way!
Rita!
Rita! Can we go a little faster, please?
We don't have to!
Go, go, purple custard!
End of the line, Millicent.
- Rita, try and go right! - What?
Just trust me!
I hope you know what you're doing!
Now head for the rope!
OK.
Oh, no.
Well done, Roddy!
We did it! We did it!
We didn't do it.
Can you get me back on the boat?
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Are you sure about this, Spike? These things are supposed to be dangerous.
Danger is my middle name.
I thought it was Leslie.
Just thought I'd drop in.
Rita, do something quick!
Hang on tight!
Uh-oh.
Any last requests?
Yes. Could you fly quite suddenly off the boat, screaming like a girl?
Oh, dear.
Yes!
Look out!
You darn foreigners!
Do you think the boss will be annoyed with us?
You incompetent cheese-eaters!
You let them escape?
It's obvious I should never have sent rodents to do an amphibian's job.
Where is he?
Why is he always late?
En garde! Droit! Parry! Thrust!
Le Frog?
Bonjour.
You're late, Le Frog.
Fashionably late, my annoying English cousin. I know no other way.
Now, listen. Rita and her new accomplice have stolen something irreplaceable.
It's all right, boss! We've got another one!
A master cable of unique design and purpose.
I want it back.
Don't worry. I'll get it back for you.
Once it is returned, my plan will be complete.
To wash away, once and for all, the curse, the scourge of...
...rats.
Forgive me, my warty English cousin,
but this bizarre obsession with the rats, it is not good for you.
You are becoming what we French call le fruitcake.
Perhaps you forget that it was a rat who cast me from paradise!
Oh, please. Not the scrapbook again!
My memoirs.
Volume one details the dire and tragic story of my youth.
Oh, mon Dieu!
Of all the pets in Buckingham Palace,
young Prince Charles fancied me the best.
We would frolic day after sunny day in royal abandon,
sharing that sweet and magical bond between boy and toad.
You're gonna make me throw up.
We were inseparable until...
...it arrived.
That rat!
While the poor boy's head was turned,
I was cruelly plunged into a whirlpool of despair.
I know, I know. You were flushed away down the loo, right?
Oi.
Boo-hoo-hoo. It is so dark,
so cold, so terrible!
You find my pain funny?
I find everyone's pain funny but my own.
I'm French.
Just get the cable!
Henchfrogs!
We have a mission. Let nothing stand in our way.
We leave immediately.
What about dinner?
We leave... in five hours.
Love, love, love, love
This is quite tasty.
Thanks.
Not too bad, considering I only had an apple, six raisins and a box of rice.
Rice?
What's that urge from deep inside?
The need to hurl won't be denied
That isn't rice That's maggots you're eating
Larva, larva, larva...
That explains why it all ran to one side when I put the salt in.
You know...
...I think we did pretty well today.
I suppose maybe I misjudged you a bit. I mean, you're not...
Do I hear an actual compliment coming?
- Never mind. - No, no, no, say it.
You're not the useless, whiny, stuck-up, pompous, big girl's blouse I thought.
There. Was that so hard?
We better get some rest if we're gonna get you home tomorrow.
Catch.
Tell me about yourself, Roddy.
Well, there's not much to tell.
You know all about me, warts and all. I don't even know what you do.
I'm...
I'm in a boy band.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm the posh one.
I'm serious.
Tell me about your life Up Top. Friends, family.
You do have a family, don't you?
Of course I do. Brothers, sisters, cousins. We're quite a clan.
You wouldn't believe the fun we have.
Hanging out at the movies, playing golf, going skiing.
It's just so great!
No wonder you want to get home.
Yeah.
Well, I guess tomorrow we'll both get what we want.
Good night.
Good night, Roddy.
Good night.
Good night, Roddy.
Don't let the bedbugs bite.
Wakey-wakey!
Getting close to Kensington.
Tie down anything loose. It'll be a bumpy ride.
Aye, aye, captain.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
- Bonjour! - Bonjour!
Bonjour!
Who invited you onboard?
Hop it. Hop it!
The English little girly, she's so aggressive.
Le Frog.
I like a woman with a little fire.
You're going to pay for that, my little chocolate croissant!
But first, a word from our sponsor. Marcel?
I should have known.
Well done, Le Frog! I salute you, sir.
Now then, Rita, hand it over.
Hand what over?
This dance of deception must end.
Return what you have stolen from me.
Enough dancing!
I don't have it anymore. It was a fake anyway.
What?
Oh, the ruby.
He's cuckoo, but family.
Oh, this is rich.
The ruby was a pretty thing.
Stop that.
But nothing when compared to the master cable.
The master what?
The cab...
Turn.
The cable! The one you're now wearing as a belt.
- If that's all he wants... - Hang on.
What do you want it for anyway?
Oh, you'll see, come the World Cup Final this afternoon.
The World Cup Final?
OK, OK, cousin, take a breath. Leave it to me.
We'll get your cable, kill the rodents, then me and my team
can settle down to a decent breakfast.
OK, men, to action!
We surrender!
No, not that one, you idiots! The kung fu thing!
I've got a plan.
Go for it.
Fly at twelve o'clock!
Oh, bother.
Fools! Grab them!
Le Frog! No! Get that cable!
Mon Dieu!
You rats, this is not over yet!
Roddy! The rapids!
Oh, no!
En garde!
Rita? We're going over!
Do something!
Gotcha!
Au revoir, mon chéri!
Take your flippers off me!
I have triumphed!
You stupid English, with your Yorkshire puddings and chips and fish,
you thought you could defeat Le Frog? Un...
...deux...
...trois!
Nibble for your life!
My belt, I think.
You rodents!
Goodbye, Jammy, me old mate.
We're OK, we're OK, we're OK, we're OK.
Try opening your eyes!
We're over Kensington!
Yeah, only a terrifying 900-foot drop between you and a nice comfortable bed.
Where's your house then?
Right, now. Let me see...
Inverness Gardens, Vicarage Gate, Kensington High Street.
Try and go left.
That's it. Now go right.
This is gonna be tricky.
Yeah, and everything else has been a piece of cake.
All right, here we go.
Forty-five, 47, 49...
...now!
Well, I've had softer landings.
We did it.
I'm home.
The crew of the Jammy Dodger survives!
Yep.
Rita?
Oh, of course. I'm such an idiot. The Dodger.
Wasn't your fault, Rod.
Quite an adventure, though, wasn't it?
Rita, I am so sorry.
But I think I might be able to cheer you up.
Ta-da! As promised, the Kensington jewels.
A genuine star-cut ruby.
It's just beautiful!
And the best part?
Unbreakable.
I don't know what to say.
You think it will be enough? I mean, to take care of your family?
And maybe this could be the Jammy Dodger Mark Two.
Well...
...I suppose this is it.
Thank you... for the lift.
You're welcome.
- Roddy? - Yes.
I don't suppose you'd have time to give me a quick tour?
Of course.
I'd love to meet your family.
Hello?
Hello, hello, hello? Anybody home?
Wouldn't you know it? All out, every one of them.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
- What is that? - Oh, that.
That's my master bedroom.
- It's a cage. - No! It's not, actually.
Then why the lock and bars?
That's my... home security system.
So much to see, so little time to see it in. Shall we?
Roddy.
You're all alone up here, aren't you?
Goal!
Who's that?
That would be... my brother!
What a game! I can't believe it!
He shoots! He scores! Back of the net! Group hug.
- Oh, hello. - Rita, this is...
-...Rupert! - What?
Rupert, this is Rita. She's been
so looking forward to meeting my brother.
Obviously, there's not a huge family resemblance.
I rather got the brains and... Well, actually, I got the looks too,
but we're very close, aren't we, Rupert?
Well, how time flies when you're having fun! Still...
On with the tour, shall we?
Hello, Sid.
Hello, Rita.
- How's your dad? - Better, yeah. Thanks for asking.
Rupert?
What was that all about? Come here, you poor little thing.
Look at his little face. You ever seen anything so pathetic?
Brothers?
All Mr. Lonely has got is a couple of dolls
and a little wheel to run around in his cage.
This is too sweet!
What a loser!
It's OK, Roddy.
OK?
Look at this place, Rita. Look at my home. It's a palace!
I can do whatever I want whenever I want to.
I'd say that's a little more than OK, wouldn't you?
What do I need a family for? What do I need friends for?
I'm sorry, but if you have everything you need, then...
...I really have to get going. I have a serious infestation to deal with.
I'll say goodbye, then...
...Roddy St. James...
...of Kensington.
Lonely
I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody
For my own
Only ten minutes left until halftime.
And what an amazing match...
Come on, England! This is fantastic!
A rare attack here by Germany, but it comes to very little.
Come here, bro! Rupert's missing his Rodsy-Wodsy.
Here, have a cheese puff.
Have another.
Here you go.
No! Duh. You're supposed to eat them.
Move... over.
- What? - Move over!
I'll take some of that.
Word of advice, mate. Take it easy with the drink, seriously,
or you'll never make it to halftime.
What did you say?
The bathroom. I'm waiting till halftime.
I don't want to miss any of the game.
Halftime. He's waiting till halftime!
Those floodgates won't hold forever!
No! Not the master cable!
What do you want it for anyway?
Oh, you'll see, come the World Cup Final this afternoon.
Half... time.
Of course. That's The Toad's plan! That's why he needs the cable!
When everyone goes to the toilet, the city will be flushed away!
Come with me.
What about the game?
And what a game it is!
Oh, a nasty fall there for Ray Bowers.
Can you see all right, Fergus?
Yes, thanks, Mum.
Where's your helmets? Which one's the quarterback? Pick up the ball!
These Brits don't know the first thing about football.
Enjoy your last moments, you egregious vermin.
I've got Rita, boss! I've got Rita!
Get off me, you lab reject!
Ha! You missed.
Ah, Rita.
It's so good of you to return the cable.
Bonjour.
At last! It's mine!
Just take it.
Let there be light!
Please don't flush me, Roddy! I can't survive down there!
I've gone soft!
Sid, I want you to flush me. I'm going back.
Back?
Rita's in terrible danger. Everyone's in terrible danger!
Now, you like it here, don't you?
Oh, yes, Roddy. I like it here very much.
And if I leave you, will you be good to Tabitha, the little girl?
I'll be as good as gold to her, Roddy. And I will be the best pet ever!
Then the place is all yours.
- Sweet! - Great.
Let's get the bubbles going. I've got a big job to do down there.
Right away, sir!
So long, Sid.
So long, Rodnick Saint Something of Someplace or other.
Geronimo!
And, lo, a chosen one shall come down from above,
and he shall be our savior from the Great Flood!
I'm terribly sorry.
Just two minutes left till halftime! Incredible!
- It's a fantasy start for England. - Rita!
England leads Germany by three goals to one.
What an amazing game this is turning out to be!
The grand opening.
And the referee again has to bring play to a halt.
Rita!
Fans for the fans!
Extra! Pied Piper lures thousands to their death!
Balloons!
Rita!
Roddy!
I'm sorry. I've been such a fool. You were right about me and everything.
I should have admitted it, but I was afraid you wouldn't like me anymore.
Do you think we can talk about this after you rescue me?
Of course. There's no time. When that whistle blows
and everyone Up Top goes to the toilet, it'll flush away the city.
I know. And my family are all down there.
We've got to warn everyone.
Stop them!
Oh, dear.
Whoa! Whitey!
I saw an opportunity and I seized it.
So you thought you could make a fool of The Toad, eh?
You don't need us for that.
You think you're so clever, don't you?
Well, I'll be the one laughing
when every last revolting rat is flushed away!
For I shall repopulate the city...
...with these!
Nasty.
- Is this the Glorious Amphibian Dawn? - Anything for you.
- Can I have a pony? - No.
- A puppy? - We'll talk about it.
- Can we talk about it now? - No.
- Can I have a puppy? - Me too.
You can't all have puppies! Please! Daddy's working!
We need to get down and pull out that cable.
How?
It's impossible.
England is winning. Anything's possible.
Turn it off, Whitey!
- Come on! - They're getting away!
Oh. Hi, boss.
Whitey! They're biting my bottom! Help!
I'm coming, Spike!
You fools! Grab them!
Top floor, lingerie, housewares
and certain doom!
Do I have to do everything myself?!
There goes the whistle for halftime! We'll be back in a few minutes.
You're too late to do anything! You and your kind are finished!
Oh, yeah? Well, come and get us then, you warty windbag.
Oh, no!
The gate. Back this way! Come on!
Rita!
If I'm going, you're both coming with me!
Just go, Roddy!
That's it.
Roddy!
Stop moving!
Come and get me, you big, slimy airbag!
Roddy, look out!
Yes!
Le Frog!
Let's finish this.
Let me go!
Goodbye, rat!
Rita!
Feeling a little tongue-tied?
Impossible!
Toodle-oo.
- Wave! Wave! - England!
No, giant wave!
Please work. Please work. Please work!
High five!
Oh, yeah.
Look! It's Roddy and Rita!
Good on you, girl!
Hooray for Millicent Bystander!
Millicent!
Millicent! Millicent! Millicent!
You're a hero, Roddy.
Big deal.
You wretched vermin!
I'll make you pay for this!
Give it a rest, cousin. And get your kids a puppy.
Rita...
...I was wondering, if you do build a Jammy Dodger Mark Two...
...you wouldn't happen to need a first mate, would you?
Left a good job in the city
Workin' for the man every night and day
Rollin'
Rollin' on the river
OK.
Hello, Tom! Give us a squeeze!
All right, chaps.
Big wheel keep on turnin'
Proud Mary keep on burnin'
Rollin', rollin'
Rollin' on the river
I love a happy ending.
You've gone soft! I like unhappy endings, with lots of violence.
Are you happy now, Spike?
- Shall we? - Go for it.
Big wheel keep on turnin'
Proud Mary keep on burnin'
- Where are we going? - I have no idea.
But we're gonna get there really fast!
I'm coming, Mr. Jones! I'm coming!
Ah, this is the life.
Roddy, I'm home!
And I've brought you a new friend!